A man of unagruable allure recently asked me the question so many men seem to ponder, but few actually pose...
What Do Women Really Want??
As a subscript, he added that he could not figure out the female of the species. Now if this comes from a gorgeous tall dark and handsome type you know the rest of the male population has at least spent a few hours scratching their heads over something similar.
"So now you have me thinking," I said
This 'I don’t understand women' thing...hmmmm
First of all let me say that it takes a smart caring, man to even be asking. I think most guys are somewhat stymied by the female of the species. Be it hormonal or systemic ‘wiring’, we are very different. Anything I might say, you must remember, is going to be a generalization. We are as varied as you guys, but some things I feel fairly confident in stating as generally true.
Girls are brought up, at least in this society, to believe there is a man, or men out there that will bring enrichment/fulfillment into her life. She is done a disservice by fairy tales and Madison Avenue by being sold a bill of goods that are not only often false, but lead her down the garden path into thinking anyone---man or woman---can make her blissfully happy. Happiness is in truth a choice—a paradigm. We choose how we look at the people and events in our lives and how we react. We do not have to be rail thin, rich, tall and blonde to be happy. Okay…enough preaching.
What makes a woman respond in a positive manner/ lifts the corners of her mouth/turns her on?
I would say honesty, but this one word tends to make men think in a very black and white manner. Honesty in conveying your feelings toward the woman in question is good. Telling her the muffin top poking out of her jeans reminds you of the Pillsbury dough boy?—bad. There is such a thing as diplomacy. While we do not want you to lie to us, neither do we need to have our most obvious physical shortcomings highlighted. Believe me, we are all too aware and in fact, hyper critical of our body (Thank you again, Madison Avenue) There would not be the bulimia/anorexia problem there is if the culture had not so inculcated one definition of beauty into us that even our autonomic systems respond when shown pictures of ‘pretty’ versus everything else. You guys are far from immune, so no throwing rocks here. You’ve fallen for the myth hook line and sinker as well. So if by some chance you actually do fancy a particular physical attribute that is not tall, rail thin, blonde and busty-- And the lady of your affection happens to possess some of those attributes—by all means, point them out. Dote on them whenever the appropriate time and place arise.
- “God, I love the way your hair falls over your shoulders.” (Touch said mane. Most of us love to be touched.)
- “The way your hips sway when you walk…”(sensual look in your eyes of vast appreciation—a look can go much further than words)…wonderful.
- “I’m so glad you aren’t one of those scarecrows in the magazines. Hangers are not fun to hug” (Be careful to be sincere here or she will think you are bamboozeling her to try to get her into bed. Even if there is a modicum of truth in that, for heaven sakes be genuine in your observations/compliments.) Beware of her taking what you say the opposite way. (He must think I am fat if I don’t look like a runway model.) This is where the look may be much better than any words you can dream up to convey essentially the same thing.
You think she is hot? Tell her with your eyes. Tell her with your touch (and not just in private—take her hand in the store, slide an arm around her when you are walking along the sidewalk, run your hand at her temple when sitting across a table having coffee—simple stuff that says she is special to you and you think she is beautiful. This is the stuff of huge deposits into the emotional bank account.
Be a man. We really do not want you to suffer through shopping for clothes with us, or watching a dozen Rom Coms on a rainy afternoon or holding our purse while we do the marketing, but…and this is a big but, we do appreciate you not lumping all this traditionally girlie stuff into the “I will never” category. Just like trying new foods once in awhile, you may be pleasantly surprised that there are some redeeming qualities in even the most traditionally feminine of interests. You might actually find that some of it is *gasp* fun. We (most of us) are willing to try guy stuff. Heck lots of us really like it. We are mostly capable of enjoying what you like on occasion just because it gives us pleasure to see you gaining pleasure from the traditionally guy activities. Most of us realize you are wired differently and tend to like things we may not be as drawn to (sports, beer, fast/cool cars etc) Viva le difference! We can ‘play’ in each other’s fields and have a bit of fun doing it. J
We can be an enigma. Our sex has been held as property/chattel/low esteem for many more generations and in many more places than the brave new world of equality could eradicate. It is in our blood to survive and nurture those less able around us. That proclivity tends to make us more tender hearted than most males. Never confuse this with weakness. To be weak is to fear showing vulnerability to those less able than yourself. This brings me to a point of which most men seem unaware. Women appreciate a man who does not fear exposing his soft underbelly. To care for those less able without the arrogance of power is strength far beyond that of wealth and ability. To abandon preconceived notions of macho and masculinity in favor of a true display of affection/tenderness and caring is possibly the most attractive thing a strong man can do. Your willingness to do the foolish, the silly, the blatantly romantic to win and hold our affection is almost as attractive as your ability as a man to do things for us that we see as upholding our preciousness in your eyes. Dress in a monkey suit and deliver flowers to us at our office, sing “I Will” in our ear on the dance floor, run across town to make sure we have milk in the fridge for breakfast, make sure the toilet seat is down and don’t be afraid to let your guy friends know to leave it in that condition as well, draw a chalk heart on the sidewalk outside our door, square your shoulders when you enter a room with us on your arm, chill that bottle of wine before we arrive for dinner, offer to fix our faucet, wash a dish, play a sonata as background when we come to your place.
Most of all…pay attention. Listen to what we tell you and imagine what might be behind our words/our smiles, our tears. We might not always be strong enough to lean on you as we are expected to be superwomen now. If you watch our expressions, listen to our sighs, watch our body language, you will gleen a wealth of information we may not think we ought to be telling you. Yes…we love it when you pay attention. Even if you don’t respond in the way we might have hoped, the fact that you made the effort to try is worth a hundred hollow words.
Follow through. If you say you’ll be there do everything reasonable to be there, do that, fix that, deliver what you said. Don’t promise or offer if it is not reasonable to follow through. We do know you are human with the same 24 hours a day as we, but you get many more kudos for accomplishing something you have not promised, than nodding and saying “Yeah, I’ll do that.”…and then don’t.
We tend to be creatures of words. We know they don’t come to you perhaps as easily as they do to us, so the very effort required to jot a note, whisper something sweet, leave a message/text just ‘because’ will not go un noticed.
In the bedroom? Once again…pay attention. We women tend not to hold our cards very close to our chest when it comes to what brings us pleasure. It can usually be discerned by our expression, the relaxed tone of our muscles under your touch, the crescendo in the rhythm of passion. Listen to our breathing, feel our skin under you ministrations and please us first. Sorry…but the nature of our biological difference demands it, the dividends far exceed a rush to finish. In this world of instant this, faster that, shorter attention spans, and hurry up attitudes, this is one arena where the gift of time and attention is greater than anything else. Just because you can be a fast shooter, quick draw McGraw, does not mean you should. How much sweeter the ice cream cone when allowed to reach the melting point…slow caress of tongue over creamy confection. Every nuance is noticed from texture, to temperature, to flavour complexities. To gobble that desert down may fill you quicker, but the memory will be one of gluttony, not gourmet delight.
If we are one who likes to talk about the intimate, by all means. If we revel more in what is unsaid, then it is your good fortune to be able to experiment to see what brings us the most pleasure, the silent shiver at your touch. Either way, we are more complicated biologically thus warming under your patient caress. In this way you will be doubly satisfied in having provided satisfaction and received it from a woman inspired by you.
So play hard, do what makes your heart beat faster, engage in all that which brings you joy. We love the maleness of the stuff you do. In the arena of womanhood, there are many different preferences and desires—all of them within your ability to enhance with a little attention to detail and your authenticity.
